goodbye

always believing, always aware - goodbye is inevitable. I couldn't help myself. I feel weird handling this situation but sad is not one of them. I just don't enjoy "goodbye"..

... before...

This picture taken right before my akad nikah.

-with my family at Cik Cidah's-

. . .

terdetik dalam hati, Tak Adil! astaghfirullah..yang belum bernikah, cepat betul mengandung. hari ini secara rasmi Allah khabarkan berita - tak hamil. air mata jatuh tak berhenti. mata rasa panas. ambil masa bina kekuatan, baru melangkah keluar dari surau sekolah.

hati kecewa.

muka gembira.

terpaksa.

- Jalan @ Putrajaya -

Admiring Tun Mahathir's idea. All of us.

4 Satria

Hello readers..

I present to you - my 4 Satria.

My victims for the last (almost) 12 weeks due to my lack of competency in teaching skills, I may

jeopardize their future (somehow), but hopefully I have not.

These group of students color my life.

They paint me with tonnes of color that drive me insane most of the time.

to 4 Satria, I wish you succeed in everything you do.

I (don't really) LOVE U!

hahaha.

It's me - the sweet and teraniaya cikgu ;)

Aidil, bring your textbook. please. Fatin, Syai and Chan - sweet girls, sejukkan hati cikgu.

Syed, lepas ni, jangan kerap buat 'cuti sekolah', Alif & Megat, both of you improve a lot in my class, cograts! Farid? zzzzzzz

Affeef, not sure how to spell your name, clown of the class - always make others laugh. Addin - tak sabar nak cepat kaya. Aiman - mr. jambu.

Wazif - so slumber. i like the attitude. Rafie - budak pandai tp tak fokus in class. Zarif? Farekh?

Nice students.. so obey, so baik, so listen? yeke? Darren - the macho man.

Aizat - future Prof. Affeef - future? ustaz kot..

Farid? zzzzzz

Khai - sweet girl, selalu menjadi penenang hati cikgu with your smile.

?

My favorite police (little) lady ;)Improve a lot ya? congrats and keep it up!

Spice Girls a.ka Wonder Girls.

So rajin..

Adeela and Roghini (i'm soory if I don't spell it correct) nice students. I love you both.

Affeeffffeefff?

Eh? Kenapa Farid tak tidur?

again, the baby issue.

subhanallah.. one thing happen one after another. I'm not sure how - but seems like there is barrier for me in getting to know the result of my pregnancy. no time spare to drop by at the pharmacy to purchase the pregnancy test.

somehow, I would know the result soon. but I can't deny my feelings. I'm hoping to get pregnant now. my confidence increases as there is no sign of ma'zurah dropping by.

Ya Allah.

baby?

last time I checked, my ma'zurah came on date 13th of July. now it's already 18th of July and still no sign of ma'zurah. I'm starting to believe I may be pregnant. Am I? another role to play, another responsibility to fulfill....

My hope.

2 weeks left. only Allah knows how fast I want this to end. Reminiscing the past 10 weeks make me feel overwhelmed. I couldn't be the wife I want to be or hope to be. I feel sorry for my husband, putting up with my attitude for the whole 10 weeks.

I looked almost like nenek kebayan in front of him. no mood in beautifying myself and my home. I can't even breathe. This is so hard. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted that I feel super malas most of the time. I'm currently in the state where I have to convince myself to enjoy things. I normally enjoy and appreciate little petty things without hard work. I can concentrate hours and hours on things people hardly grateful for.

Thinking deeply.. Silently praying - hoping to have Allah's understanding on things I choose to do, purposely or in-purposely. Soon, insyaAllah I would have my Iman and Taqwa recharges, hoping again to be the one and only Ainul Mardhiah in my husband's life. I miss him so much. we are physically close but emotionally apart (scares me most of the time). with all the stress and a lot of other things going on, I can't even concentrate on myself, let alone others.

I hope to be no longer - selfish.

Sayang sayang Abang.

Cikgu.. untuk cikgu.

Terharu.

Now, I know for sure.

when I studied in UPM, knowing that at the final end - I have to do practical in school.

I went numb.

Almost 10 weeks of going through this 'journey' taught me a lot of lesson I never thought I would learn.

Allah is Super Creative teaching me in many ways, I found life is interesting. mixture of different patterns and colors - make me aware = we are all sleeping and we will only wake up when we are dead.

I seriously don't know which part of Allah teaching method that some people conclude - make believe the fact Allah is NOT there..

we can easily get annoyed telling someone the same thing again and again, right?

but not Allah - never get bored of teaching US!

now I know - now I know..

Allah..

now I know.. insyaAllah.

Can you change your destiny?

I know what I want to be and what I want to achieve. I am already in a car driving forward to achieve all my dreams. Allah equipped me with more than enough love, strength, passion and desire.

As time goes by, I notice myself is wasting all the precious moments Allah has given me. No used in turning back. But I wish I could go back. Again, as usual Allah always His special way consoling me, filling my heart with calmness I could ever dream of.

So I decide to look forward and go straight to the fact that somehow Allah does allow us to create our own destiny _ Ar-Ra'd:11! (do refer)