My 1st Week ;0

In the name of Allah,

Where should I begin? Feeling all mixed up, I couldn’t even identify which one monopolize. My first week of teaching had been nothing but overwhelming. I lost control of my Year 3 class. It really affects my mood. 9 years old boys in one class – all 20 of them, can be as challenging as taming bulls. Was I shouting? Oh, you bet! My energy is so limited, I’m trying hard to focus on things that make me feel calm. To think again, what was I expecting? They are only 9, and they are boys. They communicate with each other by yelling, kicking, laughing and so forth. They wasn’t misbehaved, they were just being themselves. And me – I just decide I couldn’t handle it! Feeling selfish and guilty, I have to come up with a ‘perfect’ lesson plan, not on papers but on implementation. Their attention span is super short; they can change 180 degrees less than a second. Trust me on this one, I’m not exaggerating. I normally feel frustrated by the end of that class. Frustrated with myself not on my students ;/

What am I to do?

Lucky for me, my Year 4 and Year 1 class are as nice and sweet as angels, especially my Year 1. They look so serene and pure, I feel calm immediately. And guess what? They even behave and miracle-ly, they even listen to instructions well! MasyaAllah. My year 1 class is now officially - MY HEALING THERAPY SESSION! I love myself when I’m in their class but despise myself the most when I’m in Year 3. Yuck! Not to forget, I’m also teaching Year 5. Cut story short, I hate myself as well when I’m in that class.

The truth is, I have no problem at all with any of the children. I’m completely aware – how my experience determines my way of behaviour towards them. Lucky for me, Alhamdulillah – I didn’t limit myself from my own expectation – I entered each of the class fresh with no judgement, no judgement at all. Though, I have accidentally overheard of such comment from my colleagues about certain students behaviour – then I’d immediately mentally & audio-ly shut down. I don't want to listen to them.

Pray for me, please.

Bismillahi tawakaltualallah.

The story above is not caveat, it’s the truth and nothing but the truth ;/

Caveat – a warning that something may not be completely true.