^Behind my smiles^

my success, my beauty, my happiness..

there's always a person behind all these.

She has been nothing but caring, supportive, concern and committed to my growth and well-being.

She was there all along.

My ride has never been alone without her prayers.

For I am strong today is because of her.

My Makndak.

May Allah reward you with His Highest Jannah, amin.

MY LOVE ~

Alhamdulillah, finally it's mine.

Ladies, it's a must-have-accessories in your handbag.

It's a complete guide to gain Allah's pleasure insyaAllah.

This Quran translation is specially for us ladies, it contains the laws related to us Muslimah.

The decoration outside the cover is merely an extra point :) What's inside is more important.

I purchased this at Pustaka Mukmin, Jalan TAR, Kuala Lumpur at only RM65.

It's our investment for our akhirah :)

My Imam

Abang, thank you for everything.

You patient, love, care, attention, sincerity, sharing.

InsyaAllah I'll be your witness at the Hereafter for all the good deeds you have done and will do.

You are a Soleh husband, I am thankful as Allah have chosen me to be yours in this world.

May Allah guide us to have a blessed marriage and fill our life with soleh and solehah children soon.

Happy 2nd anniversary, Abang.

;')

Can't deal with my own nafs

sometimes I wish I wasn't born human.

I envy to other creatures, as they are not responsible for the action taken.

Life in this world is so short not any sins worth considering doing.

Istighfar accompany but seems like its never enough.

I'm dying : is a phrase I keep playing in mind. This helps me determine my behavior but not so much on my thoughts and emotion. Jihad needs to take over otherwise I'd be suffocate in my own nafs (Nauzubillah).

I waltz silently alone as how I always prefer.

However, the gentle reminders from people around keeps me focus.

Sometimes I hope everything would end soon but honestly terrified if I'm 'invited' unprepared.

Bismillahi tawakaltu alAllah.

May Allah guide my every step, amin.

Quotes..

I recently heard and help me a lot in muhasabah-ing.

Sis Bada : Khalifah of Allah Talk

"What is the use of our knowledge if it cannot save us and our family from Hellfire?"

Sis Azra : Objective of Understanding Right and Wrong Talk

"Everything under the sun is for us to learn from. We learn from everything, everyone, everywhere. The more knowledge we have the sharper our Aql will be. We are knowledge seeker for the rest of our life."

Sis Alla : conversation she had with her students.

"As your teacher, it is my responsibility to correct you if your behavior is unacceptable otherwise Allah will ask me later."

(no title)

Last night, a parent text me asking how was her son progress at school. A pang of guilt just came rushing in. I feel really bad when I called parents to talk about their children misbehave but when the children do behave I 'sort of' forget to update the parents.

At my school, we practice Khalifah Method. We teachers truly believe in the Law of Learning. One of it is, when you reward any good behavior done, insyaAllah it will reinforce and eventually it'll become a habit.

What happen today was - I was preparing the students to perform the Asr prayer. When some of the brothers were done with the ablution, a few of them chose to play around while waiting for the rest to finish however some of them chose to immediately sat within the saf and do zikr.

[Practicing Khalifah Method] : Instead of I addressed the brothers who were playing, I purposely reward the other brothers who doing zikr with beautiful words. I went like this :

"MasyaAllah! I'm so happy to find some of you choose to be good by doing zikr while waiting for others.

May Allah reward you tremendously."

Now there, the others who were playing definitely didn't stop abruptly but they did slow down.

When one of them finally sat down, I immediately praised the boy.

"Alhamdulillah, now Irfan also choose to be good by joing the zikr." (When the truth is, he was about to get up again to continue playing). Alhamdulillah, I managed to catch his good behavior and reward him on the spot. He sat down anyway and eventually the others joined him.

Keep in mind, when we deal with children, ALWAYS notice, appreciate and reward their good behavior. InsyaAllah no misbehave will appear. I'm saying this with my own experience. I'm so grateful Allah allows me to see some of my 'artwork' has turn to out to be magnificently beautiful.

I'm glad I know and learn Khalifah Method.

Alhamdulillah.

Bismillah

I've been thinking about this matter for quite some times already.

It's about baby.

Now, it's rather super annoying when people around keep asking me about my child. Deep in my heart, I believe they are safe up there at where they are truly belong at the moment.

Allah will give them to me when I'm ready.

Sympathy look from others just make me sick. I appreciate the concern and suggestion but honestly,

My Imam and I are not rushing into having one soon and we are definitely not declining the sweet idea of having one soon either. We leave everything in the hand of Allah.

Not so much on My Imam part, but as for me, insyaAllah I intend on having a couple before I reach my 30... but I don't know which 20's I can bear a child in my tummy considering now that I am already 25!

Fears play major role in me about motherhood. I came across a quote once - once a mother will always be a mother. The truth? It's terrifying.

Life-time commitment that only Allah knows how and when I'll be ready.

Now, it's actually funny because thinking again : it never occurred to me, to be afraid of having a child. When I was single, the idea of having my own was 7th heaven! I even have their names prepared already. You can ask anyone (who knows me well), they'll say I'm in love with children and (some) children are in love with me. But then, loving children and possessing them are two different thing.

I went through the obsessed phase once. It was around 8 months after I got married. God, knows how bad it was. Months after months passed and no sign of pregnancies was depressing. I desperately want to get pregnant. I spent most of my days crying on my bed, in the car while driving, before/during/ after any chores done still crying with the idea in mind : I didn't get pregnant.

It was one of the difficult moment I had. It really troubled My Imam. I couldn't see anything associate with babies I'd immediately burst into tears. You name it, baby walker, baby stroller, pregnancy dress its simply anything and I would just collapsed into long cries. Then, I finally get things under my control again. Then only I moved on - steadily.

Days goes by and I suddenly found myself at the fear phase. I'm afraid of a lot of things which most of it are beyond my control. In fact, I'm still stuck at this phase. So I decided not until I can at least erase some of the fear part then only I (hope & pray) to get pregnant.

The people around whom I classify as nosy, I just have to keep myself patient at any remarks made.