Soul - Searching?

What the heck is that? I know I have my own private ustaz at home. When others have their private lawyer, private doctor.. Allah simply give me - my very own private ustaz. I didn't really have a lot Islamic background or experiences like my husband does. I'm still on a journey. I'm trying to stop committing sins. But at the age of 24, I believe it is inevitable. (am I using the right vocab here? anyway)

A journey should begin with Basmallah. (and definitely, Taubah). Then cleansing my heart over and over again. I know my heart is rusty by this moment. I keep wondering how others are able to istiqamah while on the other hand - I (simply) can't. I'm struggling here. The mujahadah process between me and my husband - are way too different.

Thinking back, we are from a different part of the world - that Allah have destined to get married to each other. (which I'm so glad and thankful) (I'm in desperate need of guidance here, Mr.) If ever, people asked me.

Ina, how's your marriage?

I'd simply answer : oh well, we are still getting to know each other ;]

I was lost, so I mingled around for quite some time (which I'm completely regret of). Where should we go if we lost?

Majlis Ilmu! (what is it called in English? Anyone?)

I'm now continuing my second semester of Usuluddin studies. The 1st class was - Islamic Thinking.

It was very interesting. Then I stumbled upon Al-Baqarah:30. gulp! (felt as if someone just knocked me on my head)

I forgot. How could I? We are caliph of Allah, people. The time was frozen.Thinking of - forgetting that you have a job here to settle, neglecting your responsibility, wasting ni'mat Allah is providing. Ya Allah.