My Imam

Abang, thank you for everything.

You patient, love, care, attention, sincerity, sharing.

InsyaAllah I'll be your witness at the Hereafter for all the good deeds you have done and will do.

You are a Soleh husband, I am thankful as Allah have chosen me to be yours in this world.

May Allah guide us to have a blessed marriage and fill our life with soleh and solehah children soon.

Happy 2nd anniversary, Abang.

;')

Can't deal with my own nafs

sometimes I wish I wasn't born human.

I envy to other creatures, as they are not responsible for the action taken.

Life in this world is so short not any sins worth considering doing.

Istighfar accompany but seems like its never enough.

I'm dying : is a phrase I keep playing in mind. This helps me determine my behavior but not so much on my thoughts and emotion. Jihad needs to take over otherwise I'd be suffocate in my own nafs (Nauzubillah).

I waltz silently alone as how I always prefer.

However, the gentle reminders from people around keeps me focus.

Sometimes I hope everything would end soon but honestly terrified if I'm 'invited' unprepared.

Bismillahi tawakaltu alAllah.

May Allah guide my every step, amin.

Quotes..

I recently heard and help me a lot in muhasabah-ing.

Sis Bada : Khalifah of Allah Talk

"What is the use of our knowledge if it cannot save us and our family from Hellfire?"

Sis Azra : Objective of Understanding Right and Wrong Talk

"Everything under the sun is for us to learn from. We learn from everything, everyone, everywhere. The more knowledge we have the sharper our Aql will be. We are knowledge seeker for the rest of our life."

Sis Alla : conversation she had with her students.

"As your teacher, it is my responsibility to correct you if your behavior is unacceptable otherwise Allah will ask me later."

(no title)

Last night, a parent text me asking how was her son progress at school. A pang of guilt just came rushing in. I feel really bad when I called parents to talk about their children misbehave but when the children do behave I 'sort of' forget to update the parents.

At my school, we practice Khalifah Method. We teachers truly believe in the Law of Learning. One of it is, when you reward any good behavior done, insyaAllah it will reinforce and eventually it'll become a habit.

What happen today was - I was preparing the students to perform the Asr prayer. When some of the brothers were done with the ablution, a few of them chose to play around while waiting for the rest to finish however some of them chose to immediately sat within the saf and do zikr.

[Practicing Khalifah Method] : Instead of I addressed the brothers who were playing, I purposely reward the other brothers who doing zikr with beautiful words. I went like this :

"MasyaAllah! I'm so happy to find some of you choose to be good by doing zikr while waiting for others.

May Allah reward you tremendously."

Now there, the others who were playing definitely didn't stop abruptly but they did slow down.

When one of them finally sat down, I immediately praised the boy.

"Alhamdulillah, now Irfan also choose to be good by joing the zikr." (When the truth is, he was about to get up again to continue playing). Alhamdulillah, I managed to catch his good behavior and reward him on the spot. He sat down anyway and eventually the others joined him.

Keep in mind, when we deal with children, ALWAYS notice, appreciate and reward their good behavior. InsyaAllah no misbehave will appear. I'm saying this with my own experience. I'm so grateful Allah allows me to see some of my 'artwork' has turn to out to be magnificently beautiful.

I'm glad I know and learn Khalifah Method.

Alhamdulillah.

Bismillah

I've been thinking about this matter for quite some times already.

It's about baby.

Now, it's rather super annoying when people around keep asking me about my child. Deep in my heart, I believe they are safe up there at where they are truly belong at the moment.

Allah will give them to me when I'm ready.

Sympathy look from others just make me sick. I appreciate the concern and suggestion but honestly,

My Imam and I are not rushing into having one soon and we are definitely not declining the sweet idea of having one soon either. We leave everything in the hand of Allah.

Not so much on My Imam part, but as for me, insyaAllah I intend on having a couple before I reach my 30... but I don't know which 20's I can bear a child in my tummy considering now that I am already 25!

Fears play major role in me about motherhood. I came across a quote once - once a mother will always be a mother. The truth? It's terrifying.

Life-time commitment that only Allah knows how and when I'll be ready.

Now, it's actually funny because thinking again : it never occurred to me, to be afraid of having a child. When I was single, the idea of having my own was 7th heaven! I even have their names prepared already. You can ask anyone (who knows me well), they'll say I'm in love with children and (some) children are in love with me. But then, loving children and possessing them are two different thing.

I went through the obsessed phase once. It was around 8 months after I got married. God, knows how bad it was. Months after months passed and no sign of pregnancies was depressing. I desperately want to get pregnant. I spent most of my days crying on my bed, in the car while driving, before/during/ after any chores done still crying with the idea in mind : I didn't get pregnant.

It was one of the difficult moment I had. It really troubled My Imam. I couldn't see anything associate with babies I'd immediately burst into tears. You name it, baby walker, baby stroller, pregnancy dress its simply anything and I would just collapsed into long cries. Then, I finally get things under my control again. Then only I moved on - steadily.

Days goes by and I suddenly found myself at the fear phase. I'm afraid of a lot of things which most of it are beyond my control. In fact, I'm still stuck at this phase. So I decided not until I can at least erase some of the fear part then only I (hope & pray) to get pregnant.

The people around whom I classify as nosy, I just have to keep myself patient at any remarks made.

Da'wah obligation.

It's not easily done when it involves mad'u that have blood ties with us, yes?

We can be bias and get easily disappointed when things didn't go our way.

Sometimes it feels much easier if we just let go and ignore but Allah has made it (crystal) clear to us -

His servants : to protects ourselves and our family from the Hell fire [At-Tahrim:6].

I sometimes wonder, the pace I keep whether it's too fast or to slow for my family to follow.

I remember a quote from Saidina Umar - to nurture our generation according to what time we live in.

One therapy / one method / one way does not fit all. What used to work before may no longer works now.

No bil-lisan involved as much when I'm with my family, mostly it's mere bil-hal.

I celebrate the steps taken but there are times I tend to get impatient and seriously mad at certain choices done by my family. The saddest and most pathetic part is, its not because it only brings loss to Islam but mostly it brings loss to me.

I can't help feeling stupid and jealous of petty little things.

*sigh*

Still, Lailaha Ilallah message needs to be send out across.

No matter who my mad'u are.

It is now time to recharge, need to get my naqibah(s) involve this time around,

my Iman battery is way too low, I end up (sometimes) give up.

My family;My everything.

*Alhamdulillah, managed to have a quick visit at Nenek's yesterday.

May Allah protects you always, Nenek.

Amin.

1st project done!

Alhamdulillah, finally!

Strengthening Ukhuwah

is one of the best ibadat I practice.

It soothes my qalb and keep me in peace.

Sometime in life, we are so busy in taking care of habbluminallah (which is not wrong at all)

but left habbluminannas with no attention.

I feel appreciated when a friend or family make effort on seeing me, I feel loved and these two ladies really did well on it.

May Allah bless us and our friendship, amin.

Oath of a Khalifah Teacher

I am nurturing my students to be successful vicegerent (Khalifah) of Allah, who will help create a truly Islamic world.

Today I will try my best to know and understand all the influences upon my student’s development.

Today I will try my best to help my student understand the power of negative influences to take him/her away from Allah, and the power of positive influences to take him/her towards Allah.

Today I will try my best to shield my child from the power of negative influences to take him/her away from Allah.

Today I will try my best to enhance (increase) the power of the positive influences upon my students to take them towards Allah.

Today I will try my best to notice some positive things my students do or say, and tell them how much those things are appreciated by me and by Allah.

Today I will try my best to say nothing negative to my students. Even if I have to correct my student’s wrong behavior I will try my best to find some positive way to do so.

Today I will love my students unconditionally, but I will try my best to express that love at times that are most beneficial to my students.

Today I will try my best to be an example of a good and right human being (Muslim) for my students.

Today I will pray for Allah’s help that I can be a good teacher for my students.

Miss A Big Day!

No words to describe how proud I am with you

:')

May succeed color every part of your life duniawi ukhrawi, amin.

Uhibbuka Fillah.

Love Congratulations Notes to Miss A, from us three ;)

Dear Khalifah :)

How are you? How's your journey so far? Has it been good? Hope so insyaAllah :)

Please allow me to re-explain the role as khalifah as I've learned what I wrote earlier is way too simple.

The person in charge behind this Khalifah Role is (late) Prof. Muhammad Al-Mahdi. He was an atheist before he discovered Allah. He firmly believe there is no God, however things change when he was in the middle of his research about Theory of Relativity. I don't know him that well as I join Khalifah School a few years after he's gone. But MasyaAllah, I heard nothing but all good about him. So far Alhamdulillah, I have no regret working here in my school except for the fact I didn't get to learn directly from Prof.

Again, all thanks to Allah as He allows Prof. to leave us so many books written by himself about Khalifah. If any of you are interested, simply visit our website : islamic-world.net. InsyaAllah you can find his writings there.

What Prof. trying to do was, he wanted all Muslims to be aware, that we are so special in the eyes of Allah, that Allah make us all His Khalifah. I'm sure we all know we are khalifah, since it's a common knowledge between us Muslims, however we don't really have this role play an important part in our life.

While we were all in our mommy's tummy : there would be time when Allah breath in adequate amount of His attributes within us.

MasyaAllah, if we understand this truly, it means we : human/ khalifah/ servant we actually possess 'super power'. This - can make us become CONFIDENT because we know Allah's power is within us BUT at the same time HUMBLE because we know everything happen because of Allah's will.

As for our responsibilities :

1. To make myself good means ;-

carry out our roles excellently - as daughter, student, wife, niece, son, friend, sister etc.

It is not always easy, is always a struggle - need JIHAD to accompany us all the time.

:)

We are to be the BEST in role we are carrying.

2. To HELP others become good.

According to (one of my fave) Prof. (Prof. Dr. Alini) : whenever we encounter someone the 1st thing should come to mind is ;- "How can I help this person?"

Well, my own experience taught me is not that easy, honestly because I don't normally think that way (yet). Practice makes perfect insyaAllah. So I have this thought when I'm on the road. Rude drivers really get on my nerves so instead of cursing, I pray for them and for me. I believe it's my 1st step to help others be good.

KEEP IN MIND khalifah, we ONLY HELP others, we can NEVER make others because as human Allah equip us with free-will. We facilitate, we guide, we share, we look after but in the end it is up to them (our mad'u) to choose.

3. To make the physical world good , clean and beautiful [pleasing to Allah].

Khalifah, Allah has given us a perfect world, it is our responsibility to preserve it. Start small such as recycling, NO to polystyrene, NO to plastic bag. InsyaAllah our little effort can make difference, and hopefully our initiatives will gain Allah's pleasure, amin.

Let's enjoy being a khalifah. It is truly an honor that Allah chooses us.

Thank you for reading, may Allah bless us.

Say Hello.

to my (mini) Garden.

Figured I think I need some greens at home. So here it is!

I want this tafsir, please.

Why we should NOT eat McD.

This is jihad. For me, it is. The McD fries are so tempting.

InsyaAllah you can do it Zarina.

Sister's Time.

Alhamdulillah, finally :)

We went to The Curve - and had dinner at Teh Tarik Place. I ordered Char Kue Tiaw and Ribena Lychee, masyaAllah, marvelous! It was so delicious. Yum!

We wanted to watch Dream House actually but none of the tickets available suited our time so we spent the night talking and updating each other's latest news.

:)

Hajar was presenting her planning for the next two month during school holiday &

Alhamdulillah : spending herself at Pondok is one of her choice.

Aida? = still super excited about her coming convocation

& started to consider on purchasing her own ride.

Overall, I am relief to hear their plan and glad I am directly involve in their process of making decision.

I feel helpful and useful. I honestly envy at other families who practice their own tradition and stuff. InsyaAllah am planning in making our own.

Nothing big for a start, just something simple but meaningful insyaAllah.

:)

And yes, we even had plan for our next date together. Only us!

Can't wait!

By the way, you know what I found last night at The Curve?

It's Papier !

Shop that sells scrapbook materials.

I was in heaven!

:)

Yippie!

I left my two babies wandering around by themselves and I stayed at the shop.

I discovered last night my new hobby is expensive. Well, to me it is. Colorful papers that costs RM100 is expensive, okay? I mean, it doesn't seems so when it comes to handbags/shoes/clothes but papers?? Seriously? Now, that I start, I don't plan to stop. I looked for things that was the cheapest they sell.

*grin*

( I am in budget mode ... I have a few other occasions that need money! )

Color Paper : RM3.50 each.

Flower : RM22.

Embosser is from Daiso.

I quickly ran to Daiso to buy it.

Last but not least - a plain cover book for me to decorate. I bought this one at Kinokuniya.

This book is meant for my Khalifah Method class with Dr. Alini.

I even already have title for this book, it's called ;

Khalifah Journey.

God, I can't wait to start on my project already, but time is now occupied with other stuff. Hopefully, I can start off soon, amin.

Start Small..

Remember my previous post?

To achieve certain target within day, week, month and year?

For day..

I decide to begin with very tiny step - to say Bismillah in every action I take.

InsyaAllah to include Allah in all activities done, so it is always within Allah's guidance and bless, amin.

So khalifah, think of your target too or you can start same as mine.

Happy istiqamah-ing khalifah!

Me @ BBW!

I vow to myself :

starting this week my focus should be solely on my family.

My school is having exam this week. No preparation for lesson need as much.

I can now put my time to my family - especially my sisters. Little concern arise from my mother, she is worried about things, as the eldest I feel responsible to take away her worries insyaAllah.

I'm going to meet my sisters tonight. InsyaAllah there will be a lot to be celebrated about. Aida is having her convocation soon then Hajar is finally free from her PMR today. Taking them out for a quiet dinner and catching up.

I'm not sure about the other sisters , but since I got married I feel a little bit left out. Aida and Hajar sometimes plan things without involving me. Sulking? All the time, but I tried to (always) have my thought rationalize.

Alhamdulillah, so far I succeed. I'm sometimes tired you see to have things plan initiate by me. I feel as if I'm the only one who care about this sisterhood, but deep in my heart, I know it's not true = because every time, my sisters and I meet for any occasion, I can still sense their sincerity and warmth from their hugs.

With that, I simply melt and touched.

InsyaAllah, meeting up tonight is for me to strengthen ukhwah between me and the person who shared the same tummy to live in for at least 9 months.

Allahumma yasir wa la tuassir, Rabbi tamim bil khoir.

My role as khalifah daughter : I have to put my mother's concern as one of my priorities after My Imam. I'm trying my best insyaAllah, though I know I can't satisfy everybody's want and needs all the time. But I have to keep in mind, I should always try my best.

Big Bad Wolf!!!

Ever heard of it?

It's one the biggest event of the year.

If you love books, then you should devote yourself there, at least 4 hours.

They sell books at very low price. I think the most expensive books is only rm25 and they are hard cover. InsyaAllah you can find almost any books there - cooking, art, home decoration, travel, memoirs etc.

So readers, go and indulge yourself.

It's at MAEPS, UPM lasts until this 16th.

Below are some of the books I purchased.

I couldn't buy more though I wanted to. 1st - my hands hurt from holding these heavy books around and so was my feet. 2nd, I was already at my 11th book then told myself I should stop. This may cost me over rm100. It turned out, it was only rm89. Heeeee....

I keep telling myself to find new hobby. It's either baking or gardening or something that involves art and craft. When I saw this book yesterday, I decide to go with art and craft first. I love how this mommy (her pic in the book below), keep her memories beautifully. The pictures are all kept in colorful and creative way, that I just keep on gazing and gazing again.

OK, now that I am officially engaged to cooking - I decide I better be loyal to it.

After all cooking is a fun partner, I'd say. It helps me to be creative and daring.

Anybody would stay in such relationship, yes?

;)

InsyaAllah, this recipe books would help us create more happy times together!

I am now spending my money more on my house than on myself. That is why ladies, you see me with no new handbags or dress for the past few months. Most of my salary goes to my home sweet home. I need ideas to adorn more of the spaces I have in my home. InsyaAllah hopefully this book would help. I haven't flipped it thoroughly yet, I spend my Sunday - qada' my sleep since my Saturday was very hectic.

;p

I've been longing to find this book (Mother Warriors) since it first appeared on Oprah. So when I saw it yesterday, I'd definitely grabbed it. I'm doing a little bit of counselling with my students here at my school. Therefore, any books related to counselling or children would of course caught my attention especially when it is super cheap.

:)

Any novels purchase? Of course.

You know me :)

The GG is only rm5. So I was thinking, why not? I 'grow up' - with Serena :)

Shopaholic? It's only rm8.

;)

I was excited the whole week before going.

I refrained myself from buying books at any bookstore I went. The waiting was worth.

Alhamdulillah.

Finally been there done that!

After long planning with famous Kak Huda Engku :)

So no more buying books for me for the next few months (or at least after I finish reading all these).

Khalifah, let's iqra'!

I miss her terribly :')

.my baby.

I can't even recall the last time we spend moment together. The thought of we are drifting apart make me sick. Aida was my world (& my heaven), she still is and will always be insyaAllah.

It seems I couldn't find time to allocate just for her. What we used to do was - we would just drop everything in hand just to meet each other and spend time together. Now, no longer, and the truth is - it just terrifying me.

Aida, I want you to know : Kakak miss you so much.

InsyaAllah we'll spend time together soon, amin.

Just us.. like our good old days.

When all I wanted to hear is

"I'm sorry."

I am completely have no idea how to deal with betrayal. Never have experience on this one ... until recently. I didn't know how to react, how to respond. I just went numb and cried and cried and cried.

Learning counselling for the past 4 years - didn't help much.

I hold to the idea :

"Whose behavior can you control?"

(Reality Therapy : William Glasser)

still couldn't put my mind in focus. I was hurt, badly hurt. Dealing with betrayal : is not easy.

Especially since I never face it before.

Why do people betray?

Sorry let me rephrase.

Why do you betray? When I trust you, I care about you, I adore you.

I mean, seriously, where do you get the idea, to do this to me?

Another lesson learned.

"Move on Zarina. No more tears. You cried enough. Learn to forgive and forget."

I keep telling myself.

Then I'd answer,

"I forgive that person already, but the quote that was said to me is keep on re-playing in my mind again and again."

Now, I see the importance to forget.

InsyaAllah, it is easily forgiven

.

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but not easily forgotten.

Inspiring Human Beings

Ok, apart from my family - I am grateful to Allah for letting me know such amazing characters in my life. These people aren't celebrity or any media figure (yet). They seems ordinary but they are very extra ordinary in their ideas, dedication, field and work. Looking or even just thinking of them put me into motivation to strive for excellence in my work.

May Allah bless all of them for all their deeds and good work.

Amin.